Saturday, September 13, 2008

Well, It's time to get back to business!!!

Wow, life came at me so fast, I got completely off track with my dieting and exercising. I didn't go completely crazy on the food front, but I could have definitely made some smarter choices. Since my last post, I've traveled to the States and back, I've moved into a larger home, and I'm currently suffering through I pretty bad case of Shingles. Everything that has happened made me stop and question whether or not I am in a place where I can continue to focus on weight loss. For a while I thought I was ready to head into maintenance, but when this case of Shingles popped up, I realized, I want to lose a little more. I am focusing on my lower body b/c thats where most of the fat remains. The hard part is I lose from my upper body first. I'm still a little challenged since I can't work out, but I know I'll be bale to again soon. Right now though since I can't leave the house and really can't exercise at all (my Shingles are on my face and causing monsterous headaches) I am watching what I put into my mouth. I don't want to consume empty calories that I can't "work" off. I'm not going to stress over the remaining few pounds, but I am going to go back to basics and begin eating like I did when I started this journey back in November. Mostly protein and veggies. No empty calories (so all water, all day) and no simple carbs. The biggest thing will be the cream in my coffee. I think I'm going to use skim milk and equal. It'll take some time for me to get use to, but it'll be worth it when I see the look on my husband's face. I want him to shine with pride when he sees me. According to the Dr's scale I've gained about 2 lbs so I'll have to work those 2 off and get these remaining 20-30 off. I don't have much time left though, so I probably won't get it all off before hubby comes home, but I'll do the best I can!

Monday, July 14, 2008

When to say when

As I get closer to my "goal", I am beginning to absolutely love the way I look. As of today I still have 30lbs till I reach that magic number, but I honestly don't know if I'll go that low. When I look in the mirror, I still see small areas that need to be slimmed a little and toned, but I don't know if I WANT to lose another 30lbs. I definitely want to be healthy, but not skinny! The collar bones I once loved being able to see now look funny to me. I don't want to have bones sticking out everywhere. In my very humble opinion being super skinny is not sexy (plus my hubby doesn't like it). I think I have decided to work on improving my overall health and not focus so much on the weight loss. I will still weigh in weekly, but my main focus will be pushing my body to it's physical limits. I really want to get into shape so that I can run at least 3 miles without stopping and feeling like I am going to pass out.

I love writing this blog. Just actually typing the words have helped me to make up my mind. I am going to focus on being healthy and if I lose more great, if I don't, I'll survive!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Just when I think I'm getting this running thing down

Well I thought my body was getting accustomed to my new found love of running, but I found out today I was wrong. Yesterday I worked out for 35 minutes on the elliptical before my run on the treadmill and I felt great! So great I ran for 17 min instead of just 15. I woke up this morning feeling great so I just knew my body had adjusted to the running..... WRONG! I get on the treadmill and do my three minutes of walking to warm-up (I start a 3mph and increase the speed every 30 sec), once I hit the three minute mark I increase to my run speed (5mph). The first couple of minutes feel fine and I start getting excited. Then out of nowhere BAM! I feel like I am going to die! I wanted so badly to stop and just walk. The only thing that kept me going was sheer determination, and the fact that there was this skinny chick running behind me. If she can do it, so can I! j/k Seriously though, I love running. I'm tired of my body telling me I can't do it! So I pushed through the fatigue and did the full 17 minutes, slowed back down to 3mph for 2min to catch my breathe, then increased my walking speed to 3.8mph to finish my cardio. Though it sucks that the run was sooooo much harder than yesterday, it still felt amazing to finish. I will get good enough to run a 5k if its the last thing I do.

Sunday, June 29, 2008


After a busy and very stressful week, I was not expecting a loss. Imagine my sheer delight to step onto the scale yesterday and see 164, a two pound loss! I went onto TDP to track the loss and when my BMI popped up I realized I'M NO LONGER OBESE!!!!! That feels freakin AWESOME! Back in November when I started this journey my BMI was 40! I had no idea how much weight I really needed to lose until I saw that number. Today my BMI is 29.99, just .01 below obesity, but who cares, the fact that it's .01 below and not 10 above is worth a celebration to me.

Years ago if someone would have told me that I'd be celebrating being "overweight", I would have called them a liar to their face. I am still amazed by how I let my eating habits get so out of control. I ate like crap all day everyday. I should have known all the fat was building up. Thank God the "warning light" came on when it did, before anything under the hood needed to be fixed. I'm walking away from obesity with only minor cosmetic damage. A little loose skin and a few stretch marks here and there. Other people are not so lucky. Some end up with transmission problems, fuel system problems, engine trouble, or worse complete engine failure. I am very fortunate the only lasting results of years of obesity for me are things that are purely superficial!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Great NSV

Well today is my official weigh in day for the 100 Pound Challenge (The Daily Plate) and the scale didn't budge. Any other day, I would be sad about that, but not today. Today I am on cloud 9. When I woke up this morning I thought, "I think I'm going to try to run on the treadmill today. Who cares if I can only last 2 minutes like last time. At least I'll put forth the effort." I got on the treadmill and set it for 15 mintues. I have no idea why, but 15 was the magic number. I ran the entire 15 minutes without stopping once! I have never been able to do that before. Years ago I ran in the mornings, but that was more of a slow job for 2 or 3 minutes and then walk for 5. It has always been a desire of mine to run a 5k, and this morning sealed the deal. One day I WILL be able to run my 5k!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Carbs Anyone?

Well I'm about 7 months into my journey and all of a sudden I am craving carbs like crazy! I didn't realize it until today, but this week I have been having the strongest craving for simple carbs. It's not time for my monthly visitor, so I really don't understand it. I haven't restricted carbs from my diet, so my body isn't going through withdrawal, but it is definitely begging for carbs. I'm not expecting a loss this week b/c before today I wasn't paying attention. Next week I'll up the protein again and hopefully this carb thing will go away. Simple carbs love my midsection and I am too proud of my forming six pack to waste it on junk! Plus I wanna drop this last 36 pounds and I can't do that eating sugar and food that turn into sugar.

Does anyone else go through the carb craving phases?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Awesome Weigh-In

Just to toot my own horn a bit, I lost an amazing 4 pounds this week. I really worked hard last week. After being on vacation so long, I really wanted to put up some nice numbers to stay on track with my goals. I'm seriously considering getting a personal trainer in August to help me finish this leg of the journey. Since I've already done so much of this on my own, it would be nice to finish on my own, but I'm open to the idea of help. All that matters is reaching that finish line so that I can move into maintenance. I know I will never be obese again. That is a promise I have made to myself. I love this beautiful body God has given me too much not to take care of it. Afterall, this is the only one I'll get. At 40, I want to still look and feel young. I don't want years of bad choices to make me look old before I get there. I want my husband and children to be proud of me. I never want to be the mother who embarrasses their child every time they come to the school. I want my children to beam with pride when they introduce me to their teachers, friends, and classmates. At 240 pounds, I was the "fat" Mommy. Young children make the most honest observations I have ever heard. The last thing I want is for my children to experience an ounce of pain due to their Mommy's appearance.

My husband is in the military which obviously focuses heavily on weight. At 240, I was one of those spouses that "needed to lose a few pounds". My husband is amazing, and loves me unconditionally, but I want to be a prize on his arm, not someone that his co-workers joke about behind his back. I don't want to be the wife with the "pretty face". Simply the "pretty wife" works for me.

At 166, I don't get nearly as many "your face is so pretty" comments. At this point, I am no longer plus size. Now it is about meeting my goal. It is about the confidence that comes with proving that I can do anything I set my mind to. This decision to get in shape and stay that way has to be one of the single most important decisions I have ever made. In this moment, I love me for loving me enough to do this!

Sunday, June 15, 2008


After two months of maintenance and vacationing I am finally back on track and losing. During the past two months I have lost, but much slower than I have grown accustomed too. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my wonderful family, but if I'm going to lose this remaining 38 pounds by this fall, I have to get back on track.
I took my measurements today and I have steadily lost inches, so that is a good thing. More people have been noticing my weight loss, so it must be due to the inches coming off. My waist for one is really slimming down and shaping up. If only my hips and thighs would follow suit.
I have set a very aggressive goal for the next two weeks so I plan to spend more time in the gym. Thinking about previous weight loss efforts has brought I strange realization to me. I lose weight best when I walk! I love the elliptical and other gym equipment, but what works best for me is good old fashion walking. Once I started using the treadmill, my legs really began to slim and shape up. I loved the results so much, I kept using it. I remember when I first made the cheerleading squad back in junior high school. I weighed around 120 and felt sooooooo FAT! I spent the summer before my 9th grade year walking the track at a junior high in my neighborhood. When I went back to school, everyone noticed how much weight I'd lost, and all I'd done was walk. Fast forward to early 2003, about 3 or 4 months after I knew for sure I wasn't having any more children. I decided it was time for me to get into shape. I was roughly a size 16 (some 18's). The apartment complex I lived in had a 24hr fitness room and I began working out 5 mornings a week. That was when I first discovered the elliptical. I fell in love with it b/c it was low impact and thus VERY easy for me. I toned pretty well, but lost very little. Up until a little while ago I thought that was b/c I still ate crap. That may have been part of the reason, but I now believe it had a lot to do with the fact that the elliptical does not provide the type of workout that gives my body the best results. Fastforward to last November when I made the decision to get and stay in shape. When I went into the gym, I immediately went to the elliptical. I thought since I loved that machine it was "best" for me. In all fairness, I did lose a little, but I got MUCH better results once I started walking on the treadmill and treadclimber. I guess the point is, the machine that is harder for me to do is best b/c it's pushing my body to work harder.
All gym equipment is NOT created equal. What works for me and my body may not work for you and yours. Which gym equipment works best for you? How does your body achieve optimal results?

Monday, June 9, 2008

Back from Vacation!

After two weeks in the States with my family, I am very proud to announce I did not gain weight!!! Go me, it's my birthday, go me it's my birthday!
A little background info: I come from a family of mostly overweight people. To my knowledge only one person is working on their weight right now. Everyone else pretty much eats whatever, so dieting around all that fattening food is not always easy. Fortunately for me though, I really have no desire to eat the way I once did. Portion control has finally become second nature, the thought of a greasy burger make me wanna gag, and most sugary foods are WAY too sweet. I went to one of my favorite restaurants (Smokey Bones) and ordered an appetizer as opposed to a entree and actually shared with my kids. I now know how to eat until satisfied, not stuffed! My body is definitely thanking me for treating it better. I can now sit for longer periods of time without feeling like my buns are going to fall off. I can cross my legs without my knees screaming in pain. I can walk for hours without my feet yelling in agony. I can go up and down stairs without feeling like I need an oxygen tank. The list goes on and on. Most recently I noticed that my monthly friend has decided to start showing up on time again (maybe TMI). For nearly a year it was complete guess work, and it never occured to me it was b/c of my weight. It's amazig how much stress being overweight causes for your body. It literally affects every area. Also, my chronic heartburn is gone! It would get so bad at times that I'd sit awake rocking in the middle of the bed at night b/c nothing would soothe it. I'd wake my poor husband numerous times throughout the night.
On a purely physical note, it felt great not to shop in the plus size section anymore! At first I felt like a fish out of water b/c I couldn't shop in any of my favorite stores anymore. I kept thinking to myself, "Where do little people shop"? I even had to take a few 12's back to the store b/c they were too big! While wearing a size 10 outfit I bought, I kept saying to myself, "I can't freaking believe I'm wearing a 10 right now! A 10! I'm wearing a 10!" I felt like I could have literally lept over a mountain that day. That feeling is almost like a drug. Though I've never tried drugs, the feeling is so addictive, it must be similar to what addicts experience.
In addition to that feeling there is also the little voice in my head that continues to point out all of my imperfections. The stretchmarks I'll never be able to get rid of. The thighs that still need so much work. I think the remaining 40 pounds is almost completely in my lower half. There are days when I still look in the mirror and get grossed out. I still look at myself and see a fat girl! I find myself still referring to myself as a "big girl". Though the scale and my clothing both say otherwise, my mind still plays tricks on me. I know that if I am not careful that is going to be a big issue for me. I've had people to tell me I don't need to lose another 40, that 40 may be too much. I find it frustrating that when you are obese, people look at you and think/say, "She needs to lose weight", but then when you start losing, they wanna put a limit on the amount you can lose. What gives them the right?!?!?... ok, sorry, a little moment there. I had a few people upset me with their comments in case you can't tell. One person actually had the nerve to say, "Don't lose 40 more, if you just lose 15 more you'll look great!" How dare you, I look great now. How dare you tell me how much weight I do or don't need to lose! Where did you go to medical school? Ok, another moment, but I'm done with that now!
I am more determined than ever to reach my goal. All of the vacationing is behind me and I can finally focus on losing the rest of this weight before my husband returns home for good! Only 4 months left and I want his eyes to pop out of his head when he sees me! Wish me luck!!!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

SIZE 12!!!

Okay, so maybe I'm just terrible at figuring out what size I actually wear b/c today I tried on two pairs of jeans (both 12R) and they both fit perfectly! I can't wrap my mind around the fact that a size 12 actually fits me. I guess I should back up a little. Yesterday I picked up a pair of jeans to wear when I go visit my family. I got a 14R b/c thats the size I thought would fit (nothing is more deflating than trying on clothes that are too small). When I picked them up, I thought they were cut kinda small, so I was leary about getting them. Then I figured, what the heck, if they don't fit I can just keep working hard until they do. So I get home and try the jeans on and they are pretty loose. If I were at goal I would have probably just worn them with a belt, but since I still have a long way to go, I thought it would be stupid to keep pants that I would only be able to wear for a month or so. Well, today I returned the jeans, and tried on a 12 in the same brand. The 12's fit perfectly, so I got two of them.

I intentionally shopped in the juniors section for the first time (the women's section here sucks). Being able to walk pass the plus size section just blows my mind. I've been a plus size girl my entire adult life. Part of me still feels like I am. I guess it will take time for my brain to catch up with my weight loss.

On a side note, I have a new best friend... well, second best. My crock-pot still holds the first spot, but this appliance is a close second and rounding third headed for home. Anyway, the mystery appliance is my new George Foreman grill. I have no idea why I waited all these years to get one, but I am so glad I finally did. I can come home from work, throw soem chicken or turkey breast on there and in no time I have perfectly cooked, tender juicy meat! It's like heaven in my kitchen. I use it almost everyday. With veggies slow cooking in the crock-pot while I'm at work and meat on the George Foreman while I'm changing out of my work clothes, I can have dinner on the table within 15 of arriving home. For a woman that doesn't like to spend much time in the kitchen these inventions are the best thing since sliced bread!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Back with a renewed Vigor!!

Well I guess I should say that I spent the last three weeks in maintenance mode. While my husband was home there was so much going on that it was almost impossible to focus on losing weight. I think I did as well as can be expected, but of course I wish I had done better. For the most part I realized I have just about mastered portion control. I also realized that I still need a lot of work on staying focused and resisting poor food choices. My husband bought two packs of pecan sandies cookies, and I didn't eat a single one, but we stopped for a scoop of ice cream at least 7 or 8 times. I think it's something about being able to see the nutritional facts that does it for me. I didn't eat the cookies because I read the pack and saw that there were like 80 cal per cookie. The ice cream though was this amazingly good Greek ice cream with flavors I have never dreamed of. The hazelnut tasted just like a butterfinger, and most of the flavors they carry are more like a sherbert than the creamy ice cream we have in America.... okay, I'm supposed to be talking about refocusing here, not ice cream!

Anyhoo, I feel refreshed and ready to complete the weight loss phase of this journey and move into maintenance. Only 44 pounds to go.... so close compared to the 110 I started out with. One of the pairs of size 14 pants I ordered is actually too big! That was one of the things that helped me regroup. The thought of being able to go down to a 12 is VERY appealing to me. I want to get this weight off and keep it off for life! Also, I want the feeling of accomplishment that comes with reaching a goal. I'll be able to say, "I did this". With no surgery, or weight loss pills, I lost a whopping 110 pounds. I decided I wanted to do it, and I worked my butt off (literally) until I reached my goal. At this stage of my life.... there is no better feeling!

Friday, May 9, 2008

I've been tagged

Okay, here goes, I hope I'm doing this right!

Four Jobs I've Held:
Preschool Teacher
Front Desk Clerk
Staffing Supervisor
Family Readiness Support Assistant

Four Movies I Could Watch Over And Over Again:
The Color Purple
What A Girl Wants
Where the Heart Is
The Matrix (all three)

Four Places I've Lived:
Dillon, SC
Charlotte, NC
Columbus, GA
Vilseck, Germany

Four Shows I Like To Waste My Time On:
America's Next Top Model
CBS Soaps
Dancing with the Stars
Law and Order SVU

Four Of My Favourite Foods:
Chicken wings
Chicken breast

Four Places I'd Like To Be:
Anywhere in Italy
Anywhere in Spain

I don't know many bloggers, but I tag and any others that may read this and want to get in on it.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Officially a 14!

I posted back in March when I bought a pair of size 14 pants and they fit, but I didn't count that as my "official" size as they were a little snug, plus they had "stretch" in them. So I bought another pair of 14's, this time jeans though with no stretch. I thought I got them from the ladies section, but somehow I picked them up from juniors.... what was I thinking.... I guess I wasn't. Anywho, the 14R from the junior section now fits perfectly (plus I've gotten some other 14's here and there and every single piece fits!!!). I wore the jeans yesterday and my husband kept telling me how great I looked. He said he loved the jeans on me, and my legs looked... are you ready for this?.... SKINNY!!!! He said my legs looked skinny!!! I can't freaking believe it. I realize they aren't really skinny, but they are much smaller than they were when he saw me last. My legs still need the most work as I am a pear shape, but he said they looked skinny! If that's the case then the rest of me must look skinny too since the legs still have the most fat. I am beyond proud of myself for finally making the decision to do something about my health and appearance.

I don't think anyone should settle for "I'm just big boned", or "I'll never be thin". I just don't believe those statements are true. There was a time in my life when I did, but now I know better. I will never be a size 2 (simply b/c I don't want to be), but I am on my way to thin. I only have 44 pounds left to lose to reach my goal of 130 which will probably be about a size 8 on me, which is perfect. I don't need to be any smaller than that. That will be a healthy size and weight for my height which is in turn healthy for my heart. I find myself listening to other overweight women and hearing them say the same things I once said almost hurts. It hurts b/c I know most of them say it for the same reason I did. To avoid the pain that comes from being overweight. No one wants to be overweight. No one wants to be called fat. No one wants to only be able to shop in certain stores b/c they can't fit regular sizes. Thats not fun or encouraging for anyone. I'm going back to the States to visit my family in a few weeks, and I am looking forward to shopping in regular stores again.

I know I still have a very long way to go with my weight loss, but I have made a huge accomplishment and I am going to reward myself for it. Not everyone can say they have lost 66 pounds, so this hard work deserves a treat. My husband wants to lose 40 pounds and I still have the remaining 44 so we have given ourselves until October to do it. If we both reach our goals, we are going on a cruise to reward ourselves. I'm very excited about that as I've never been on a cruise before. Then once I maintain my weight loss for one year I am treating myself to a breast lift. I always thought I'd go for the tummy tuck, but my tummy is flattening quite nicely, so breast lift it is. I can't wait. It feels so good to actually plan these long term goals as if I am already there.

Here is a pic of me from our vacation, which by the way was amazing, so I'll include a pic of the view from our balcony as well! I love the mountains!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

He's Almost Here!!!

My husband is on his way home!!! I'm so excited. He hasn't seen me in 49 pounds!!! I wanted to get down to 175 by the time he got here, but I'm still a pound heavier than my goal which is okay! You can't see a 1 pound difference, but the 49 gone is a huge difference! Hopefully he'll arrive tomorrow so I probably won't post for the next couple of weeks while he's here, but I wanted to keep up with my weekly accountability. Three more pounds gone forever! I am really proud of myself for finally doing this. I have wanted this for so long. I only have 46 pounds to lose to meet my goal. This is utterly amazing to me. I am flying on cloud 9 right now!!!

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Since moving to Europe last fall I have been patiently waiting to travel to Czech to go shopping, and today I finally made it. It was soooooo worth the wait. I found some really neat things for my yard/garden, a sword set (stand included) for my husband, and 2 purses for myself all for less than $90. Of course I didn't pay in dollars, but that was the total after the exchange rate. I am so thrilled with the items I got! I can't wait to go back and get more things for my yard/garden. I learned today that gardening is so relaxing for me. I always wanted to get into it, but never seemed to have the time. Living in Europe has really helped me find my green thumb as there is so much beauty everywhere. Driving through the small towns and villages and seeing the beautiful flowers blooming is absolutely mesmerizing. It really makes me want to contribute to the beauty. I am thankful to have the opportunity to experience this culture/way of life. America is still the best nation in the world, and I can't wait to return, but I am enjoying every moment of this experience!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Root Canal

Well today I had the distinct pleasure of phase one of a root canal. Let me just say this is a pleasure I can go the rest of my life without ever enjoying again. Once again I had to go the entire day on liquids and soft solids, something which my stomach was not happy about. Like a crazy person, I actually went to work after the dental appointment and only left an hour and a half early. I came home and made a large batch of oatmeal, cooked it a little longer than normal so I wouldn't have to chew much, and then fell asleep on the couch for two and a half hours. I woke up two hours ago, and now I'm heading to bed for the evening. Normally I get up at 5:30 to go to the gym, but tomorrow I plan to sleep in since I don't have to be at work until 9:00. I think my body is definitely trying to tell me it needs rest and for once I'm listening.

~On the up side I was two pounds lighter when I stepped on the scale this morning! Thats a total loss of 60 pounds!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Emotional Yo-Yo.... gotta love being a woman

Well three days afer my last post, and guess what? I love the skin I'm in!!! I've decided that like every other thing I hold dear to me, my views on my own body are going to differ slightly from time to time. Especially when I'm emotional already just from the joy of being a woman. I think the driving force behind the insecurity came from the fact that I'm going to see my husband for the first time in 42 pounds. Why I chose to measure that in pounds.....dunno? Anyway, looking at myself in the mirror and trying to imagine what he may see when looking at me, plus all the pictures I've taken lately caused me to panic a little. But now I realize that it wouldn't matter to him if I still weighed 240 pounds. He married me that way, and has only shown me love and support from day one of my weight loss journey. I was basically obsessing over nothing. I have been known to do that from time to time (shhhhh don't tell anyone). Now that my hormones have settled and are close to being back to normal (whatever that is), I am thinking more clearly. I have made improvements in more ways than one. Not only is my body smaller and lighter, but it is healthier. I have more stamina, and WAY more confidence. It feels great to stand up and look down and not see a belly that looks pregnant. It feels great to be able to tuck my shirts in if I want to. It feels great to shop for new clothes b/c everything I own is too big!!! Those are amazing feelings that I refuse to stop myself from enjoying. This journey is an amazing one, and I have decided to enjoy every step! I look and feel great! I have learned to see portions sizes which ultimately means portion control. My stomach gets turned off at the thought of eating fried greasy foods! I crave large homemade salads like I once craved McDonald's chicken nuggets! I know deep down inside me that this has been a lifestyle change. I would not still be on the journey after 19 weeks if it weren't.

I saw someone for the first time since Feb the other day and she kept raving about how much smaller my stomach was. A co-worker at work had said the same thing and I'd over-looked it, but when she said it, I realized something. Yes, I do still need to do a lot of work on my abs, but people can't see that when I'm all overed up. My tummy actually looks flat again! It's been years since it looked flat. This is something I should be celebrating not stressing out over! I need to love my body as it is. The more I love it, the harder I'll work to get it in shape! I am determined to meet my goal, but also to love my self at every stage of the journey!!!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Adjusting to the new me!

For some reason I never thought that it would be difficult for me to adjust to my "new" appearance. However, I am shocked when I see myself in photos, or if I'm walking by a mirror/window and catch a full body view. Being able to actually see my collar bones has been another HUGE thing for me. I know how much the number on the scale has gone down, but actually seeing myself thinner is so difficult. I'm so accustomed to seeing the GIGANTIC thighs and bulging stomach that it almost doesn't look like me anymore. It took me years to accept the fact that I was as large as I was, and now that I'm going back down, I don't know how to deal with that either. It's like a different person is looking back at me. Don't get me wrong I never want to see those 57 pounds again, but I haven't seen this woman in so long, she's like a stranger to me. I honestly can't remember the last time I was this size. I've been trying to remember my weight at different stages of my life, but the truth is, I never paid this much attention to it b/c in my mind I was slim and trim. Even when I broke the 200 mark I still felt attractive so I don't have any significant memories of the way I looked or felt. It wasn't until I was squeezing into a size 18 trying desparately not to go up to a 20 that I realized I needed to make a change. At that moment I began to see myself as I really was.....FAT! I was fat, round, out of shape, and uncomfortable in my own skin. Though that realization only took place a few months ago, I programmed myself as fat, and now that I'm not AS fat, I can't wrap my mind around that concept. I feel like I look weird when I see myself in mirrors. Like it's a trick mirror and I'm really fatter than my reflection looks. I spent 5 minutes staring at myself with my breakfast plate in my hand this morning because I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my stomach was almost completely flat. I kept pushing it trying to make sure I wasn't subconsciously holding it in. Has anyone else gone through this? SURELY I can't be the only one. How did you get past it?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Another crazy week

Well this week has been another hectic week for me schedule wise, so I have still not been able to hit the gym like I need to. On the bright side my walk away the pounds dvd arrived today so I'll be able to work out at home when "life" prevents me from getting to the gym. The most important lesson I've learned so far during my weight loss journey is that the only way to fail is to give up. So what if I can't get to the gym 5 or 6 times a week.. What matters is that I'm staying active and feeding my body for fuel, not taste. I want my fuel to taste good, but the nutritional value is what's most important at this point. I am eating to become a "healthier JayLady".

Sunday, March 30, 2008


It's official, I've lost a total of 55lbs!!! I am now half way to my goal, and I made it here much faster than I expected! I did it in 18 weeks as opposed to the 24 I had planned for. My original goal was to lose the 110 pounds in 48 weeks. Even then I thought that was a HUGE stretch. That seems like such a short amount of time to lose such a large amount of weight, but low and behold, all the frquent small meals, and exercise is really paying off. Maybe I can reach goal in 44 weeks, a whole month ahead of schedule! Who knows? The sky really is the limit at this point. Nothing can stand in my way, but me, and I have no intentions of slowing me down. Wow, 55 pounds, what an amazing accomplishment!! I am so proud of myself for sticking with this. This is one of the most important things I've ever done for myself. I love the person I am right now and the person I am becoming. Someone that sees the value in herself enough to improve the things that need improving, while accepting/loving those things that will forever remain the same!
This me today on my way to a jewelry party! Not too bad if I say so myself. I can actually tuck my shirt in without my stomach hanging over my belt!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Finally got my second wind!

Well since seeing my I.D. photos side by side, and hitting the 50 pound mark I have felt a real sense of accomplishment. So much so I have really been slacking off. I knew I was losing b/c my clothing size has been steadily going down, but seeing the difference in my I.D. photos helped me to actually "see" the difference in my body. I have really lost 52 pounds. It's not a dream, I am not imagining the weight loss, it has actually happened. I have contour lines on my face again. I have a neck and only 1 chin! I even have collar bones....who knew!!! My wedding rings are too loose as opposed to too tight. My watch is actually a little too big. My shoes fit better, scratch that, they actually fit. My feet aren't too wide/fat for the cute shoes I've been holding onto for years. (I'm a big shoe person)

This is the type of thinking that has caused me to slow down. It was almost as if I had "arrived" in my own mind. I wanted to take some of the pressure off of myself and enjoy the new me. The result: I haven't lost anything so far this week and my weigh-in is in two days. Unless a pound miraculously comes off between now and then this will be the first week that I have not lost anything. That realization has really put things into perspective for me, and thus gave me my second wind! I am going back to my eating pattern that I used when I first started losing. Little to no fat, very high protein, no simple carbs, and low complex carbs. Hopefully this will shock my body back into losing mode. I have a very long way to go and no time for stagnation. My goal is to lose at least 18 pounds in exactly two months. I am visiting family for Memorial Day and I want to be down a total of 70 pounds by then. So, with a renewed vigor I am entering the second phase of this journey. 170 here I come!!!!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

50 Total Pounds Lost!

In exactly 16 weeks I have lost a total of 50 pounds!
I find that utterly amazing!!! That is such a HUGE accomplishment. I see a little difference when I look in the mirror, but I see the biggest difference in my photos. My face has shrank so much, I actually look like a different person! I look at how round it was just last summer and the difference is remarkable. There is a little voice in my head telling me that I am losing the weight too fast, so I am constantly examining my food choices and eating habits. I am very "aware" of the dangers that can come along with obsessing over weight loss. But I realized I am not obsessing. I am finally doing what I have needed to do for years, getting off of my lazy seat of do nothing and getting back into shape! There is no excuse for me at 5'2" to weigh 240lbs. That is way too much weight for a person my height! I got winded easily, my legs would hurt if I tried to go for a walk, my feet hurt from wearing heels at work (something which never bothered me when I was thinner), I was rapidly out growing everything I owned, and I was self-conscious when my husband wrapped his arms around me at night. All these things are reasons I NEED to lose weight. This was not a superficial ten pounds here, this was ONE HUNDRED AND TEN POUNDS!!! I think the voice that tells me I'm over doing it, or that I can eat chocolate if I want is the same voice that kept me obese! Don't get me wrong I know theoretically I can eat chocolate (as a matter of fact, I had a little yesterday), but I also know myself better than anyone else. And when I'm completely honest with myself I admit that I eat for comfort. Long day at work, let's go to dinner and eat way too much. Stressed out, let's go buy a Big Kat and a bag chips, and eat them back to back. Busy lifestyle, that's ok, just pick up some greasy fast food on your way to work. I would go to Subway to get dinner for the family, buy 4 cookies for myself and eat two on the way home so my husband would not see me eat 4 cookies at a time. (I can't believe I just admitted that) As a matter of fact, I've been "sneaking" and eating for as long as I can remember. I would buy something I knew was bad, and eat it when no one else could see me, not b/c of what I was eating, but b/c of how MUCH I was eating. I remember once about 8 years ago I bought two packs of those break and bake cookies. I think there were like 24 cookies in the pack. I made a batch of 12 and ate the entire batch. I just couldn't stop eating them. Then I realized my husband (now my ex-husband) was going to realize I'd eaten them all, so I quickly baked another batch before he came home from work, and actually ate almost half of those. When he came home, he was shocked I'd eaten almost half the batch. Then he realized I'd cooked a whole pack and looked at me mortified when he discovered how many I'd eaten. So I lied, and told him I burned the entire first batch. I just couldn't admit I hadn't eaten that much. And now that I am typing this I finally realize that I had a problem with binging!!! What an epiphany!!!! I always associated binging with what I saw on T.V. in E.D. movies. A woman hiding in the bathroom with enough junk food to feed 20 people, excitedly stuffing her face, and then purging to get rid of it all. And while that is definitely a binge, so is secretly over eating and then lying about it! Wow, I've been reading other people's blogs about the "why", but it's so different when you discover your own. I grew to 110 pounds overweight b/c I love to eat. I knew it was too much, which is why I did it in private, but that didn't stop me.

I wonder "how" I stopped? I guess it was just getting honest with myself. But I have prayed for self control for years, so maybe God granted my request. I am very proud of my food choices now, so I don't "sneak and eat" anymore. If I have a treat, its only a small one, so I eat it in plain sight. I don't even buy junk food. Since I started tracking my food on-line, and seeing just how many calories were in the foods I was eating, it has gotten soooooo much easier to make wise food choices. It's just not worth it. Nothing has ever tasted as good as loosing weight feels! This has been and still is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I feel confident in myself and proud of my progress! I have dreamed of loosing weight for so long that now that its here, I will never go back to the way I was! I will never again weigh 200 pounds or higher! I am 60 pounds from my goal weight, and I am more motivated and dedicated than ever to get there. I have learned the importance of portion control and moderation and both have literally saved my life. Today I am a new woman. I am preparing to enter the second half of this weight loss journey with my eyes on the prize! A few more months of losing and a lifetime of maintaining!!!

This comparison pic shows how much smaller my face has gotten. They are both I.D. card photos. The one of the left was taken September 06, and the one on the right is from March 08.

Friday, March 14, 2008

What am I?

One of the messge boards I belong to posed the question, "What are you?" Without even taking time to think I wrote the following:

"I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent, and independent woman. I am the wife and best friend of Lyndell, mother of Omari, Abriah, Adonis, and Elijah, and most importantly I am a person who is sure in my faith. I am an asset to those I work for/with, and I am the voice of those who seem to have lost theirs along the way. I am a lover of beauty and nature. I am a woman who knows what she wants in life and is not afraid to go and get it. I am confident in the person I have become yet determined to grow into the woman I know I was predestined to be. I am a faithful, fair, and loyal friend that goes out of her way to help other people. I am perfectly imperfect, striving for the unattainable goal of perfection."

When I finished I thought to myself, "Dang that was pretty good. I'm a half way decent writer." I realized I spend so much time thinking about my weight and the millions of things I would like to change about myself, but I seldom pat myself on the back. Well tonight is pat myself on the back night. I am a darn good person. I am an absolutely fabulous wife to my husband. I may not be the prefect wife for the next man, but I say with assurance that I am the one and only perfect wife for the love of my life. I am a remarkable mother that puts the wants and needs of her children before her own. I am a superb employee. I have ALWAYS left jobs with a stellar reputation and the possibility of returning should I so desire. And in case you can't tell, I lack no confidence! Why should I? Why should I allow the outward appearance make me feel like I am less valuable? I won't!!!! I am a valuable member of my small corner of the world. I may not touch as many people as a famous person will, but I make a positive impact on the ones I do touch, and that is more important to me than anything fortune or fame could ever bring. I love people. I love the beauty that God created when He formed man. I love the good and the bad, though the bad sometimes makes me wanna just grab people and shake some sense into them. I love it nonetheless. I love people because it's easy for me to see the potential for greatness in everyone. I believe we all came to this world with "gifts" that we can use to help make this world a better place. We just have to tap into them. What would happen if we all said thank you to the person that held the restaurant door open for us? What would happen if we all fed 1 homeless person a day? What would happen if we all did 1 act of random kindness everyday. Your act may be different from mine, and may impact the receiver of that act differently from mine, but in the end we'd both get the same result. A better world. Positive deeds, words, and actions breed the same. Which in turn breeds love, joy, and happiness.

What am I? I am a breeder of love, joy and, happiness. I am perfectly imperfect, striving for the unattainable goal of perfection!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Size 14!!!!

Well, my 16's are starting to get loose, so I decided to buy a pair of 14's just to see how close I was to a 14. I NEVER expected them to fit, and low and behold they did!!!! I have not been able to wear a size 14 in over 8 years! I think I am still officially a size 16, but it felt so good sliding into those 14's. I am going to wear them to work tomorrow. I knew I was finally ready to get into shape and I was determined to succeed, but never in a million years did I expect to have such awesome results! It's still a little hard for me to believe. I look in the mirror and see the work I still need to do. I don't notice how far I've already come until I look at pictures of myself. Stepping on the scale and looking at how far the number is from where it used to be doesn't hurt either. Wow.... 47 pounds!!! I just can't believe it! I only need to lose 8 more pounds to be half way to my goal. I have never been more motivated to get down to my ideal weight. I have 7 months to lose 63 pounds, and I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!!! I've made it this far and I don't plan to stop now!

P.S. I took a picture of myself in the size 14's. (gray slacks, black shirt) I actually have a waistline again!!!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

March is starting off just right!!!!!

My new job is keeping me busy and therefore helping me keep my mind off the fact that I'm missing my husband like crazy. My weight loss is remaining constant and steady. And to top things off I got a new puppy! Things are going pretty well right now. My closet is dwindling down to nothing. I have bought a few new pieces, but for the most part everything is too big. I'm not gonna buy a lot of things because I am going to lose more, so it would be a total waste of money to buy a lot at the size I am now. I got a size 14 skirt last week, and it's pretty tight, but it fits. I also got a pair of 14 jeans, and those are too small. I hope I can wear them by May. I think I am going home to visit my family then, and I wanna be at least down to a 14. Right now I have lost a total of 47 pounds! I can't believe I have lost that much. I am so close to the half way point I can taste it (55 lbs is half way to my ultimate goal)!!! I always thought that if I worked out I could still eat junk here and there and lose weight......not!!! 95% of weight loss is making healthy food choices. Something that has become second nature to me. I do exercise regularly, but I know the majority of the success is due to healthy eating habits. I do still crave sausage sometimes, but it is not difficult to resist since the last time I had sausage the grease made me sick to my stomach. Cutting out red meat has done wonders for my digestive track. I'm sure all the fruits and veggies don't hurt either. I also gave up sugary drinks and I don't miss those either. I was never a big soda person, but I did take a liking to Vault. At one point I was drinking a 20 oz a day, but since I have become serious about getting in shape, I have only drank water, coffee occasionally, and reduced sugar cran-grape juice on occasion. Mostly it's just plain water all day every day. I think my kidneys are definitely grateful, though they may have been a little shocked by the foreign substance at

I am aiming at losing all of the weight by November 1, 2008, but at this point, I am already down 47 pounds and it's only been a little over 3 months. At this rate, I can reach my goal by September or October at the latest which would be really nice. I had to take a photo for my ID card at work and I compared it to the previous one I took. The difference is HUGE!!!! I can't believe my face was ever as fat as it was, but it was! I'm so happy it's slimming down. My neck has even shrank. My collar bones are much more prominent. I have lost a total of 31 inches since the 5th of January! I look at my thighs sometimes and find it hard to believe they have gotten as small as they have. I still have a very long way to go, but I can see a huge difference!

Friday, February 22, 2008


I am proud to announce I made it to "Onederland"!!!! As of 2/20/08 my weight was 198! It feels so good to have a 1 in front of my weight instead of a 2. I have about 68 pounds left to lose to reach my goal weight. 68 seems like a lot but when you compare that to the 110 I needed to lose in the beginning, it's really not that bad. Just 3 months ago I could have qualified for weight loss surgery and I started this journey thinking that if I didn't see any progress I was definitely doing the surgery. Now, thank God, I no longer qualify for the surgery since I am not 100+ pounds overweight. My next mini goal is to reach 180 which will be a total of 60 pounds lost. I have 18 pounds to go, and I am confident I will reach this goal in no time. I'm aiming for April 10th. There is no doubt in my mind that I can and WILL do this!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

12 weeks in......

This week I had another huge weight loss victory! I noticed everything in my closet was getting way too big, so I decided to get a smaller size to see how much more I needed to work to get into it. I have been wearing an 18W with a few 20W here and there, but honestly, I knew I needed to go up to 20W. ALL of my 18W's were getting way too tight. I had so many pairs of pants that were just flat out too small. Anyway, the 18W's have gotten loose, so I decided to buy a couple of 16W's to see how much work I needed to do to get in them. Well I got home and tried on the first pair and they fit AWESOME!!! I was so pleased. I tried on the second pair and they were pretty loose. I look at the tags and realized I accidentally grabbed a regular 16 and a wide. The wide was actually a little big on me. I can't believe I can actually wear a regular 16. It's been YEARS since I have been a comfortable 16. Just to put on something with no "W" behind it is mind blowing to me.

I also officially hit the 40 pound mark this week. Which means I am 1 pound away from "Onederland"! I have not weighed less than 200 pounds in almost 6 years. It feels so good to actually be getting back into shape. I have lost a total of 25 inches since January 5th, thats just 6 weeks. Even my shoes fit better. No more squeezing into all of my cute shoes that I refused to get rid of when I gained weight. This feeling is amazing. It should be bottled and sold to every over weight person worldwide. It is more motivating than anything I have ever experienced. I am only 70 pounds away from my goal weight of 130. Years ago I thought it was impossible for me to get down to 130, but today I am convinced that this is not only possible, but that I am well on my way. Every time I get dressed I am reminded of how much weight I have lost, and I get excited all over again. The gym has become one of my favorite places. I feel empowered when I reach a new cardio goal, or when I can press a little more weight a few more times. My arms are shaping up so well. My triceps still need alot of work, but my biceps look awesome. My legs also need lots of work since thats where my body stores most of the extra fat, but here recently I have noticed they are slimming down alot. At first I was loosing most of the inches from around my waist, but now my hips and thighs are shedding inches like crazy. Measuring is an awesome tool to help me focus on the area that is already slimming and toning. Needless to say, I am thrilled, and I can't wait to reach my next mini goal of 190.....I'm almost there!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Still on this journey

Well, so far so good. I've been successfully eating healthy for a little over 2 months now. I have lost a total of 32 pounds and tons of inches. I'm still waiting to be able to fit into a smaller size, but if I remember correctly I still need to lose about 18 pounds before that will happen. I'm hoping to lose another 28 in the next 10 weeks, which averages out at 2.8 pounds per week which is not much at all. If I can get these 28 pounds off I will be soooooo happy. I'll definitely treat myself to a new outfit or two. Hubby will definitely appreciate the new look too. With weight loss comes a confidence that has been missing in my life for a long time. The confidence is what he'll appreciate most. I know he'd love me at 300 pounds or 150 pounds, but I don't know how much I'd love me at 300, so it's best I keep working to get to my ideal weight and stay there.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Since I'm here....

I may as well tell my story. As my profile states, I am a wife and mother of six. What it doesn't state is that I am currently 80 pounds over weight, down from110. I am 5'2", so my height does not really allow for much weight. How did I get so far overweight you ask? Well, it happened over time. I can remember back when I weighed about 130lbs and I thought I was fat then. I was a little "thicker", but definitely not fat by any standards. But other girls I knew (I was a teenager) only weighed around 115 or so. 15 pounds on a young girl is a huge difference. But back then I got LOTS of attention from guys for certain parts of my anatomy so I just figured those girls were jealous. Fastforward to after the birth of my first child. I gained 31 pounds during he pregnancy and weighed about 179 the day I delivered. Within 6 weeks I was down to 157. While I didn't lose all of the baby weight, it looked really nice on my since my hips finally filled out, my waist was thin, and my stomach was flat. I wore a size 9/10 and felt great about the way I looked. Then I started taking birth control. The pills made me sick and after 2 years of taking them I had ballooned up to a size14. I got off of the pills b/c I couldn't stand them anymore. Within 6 months I pregnant with baby number 2. By the time I finished having babies I weighed about 210 (where I am now). That was 5 years ago. Over the last 5 years I put on 30 more pounds. I ate whatever I wanted, didn't exercise (at least not consistently), and had hormonal issues that contributed to the weight gained. And even though I was starting to squeeze into my clothes and shoes I still wan't motivated to lose the weight. I didn't get motivated until I realized I looked perpetually pregnant. Remeber I always loved the fact that I had a small waist and a flat stomach, well one day I realized it was gone. That was one of the light bulbs for me. Plus the fact that I was 30 pounds heavier than my husband. Maybe its just me, but I feel that I should be light enough for him to pick me up if he wants to. It may sound crazy to some, but thats just the way I feel. I also refused to accept that I needed to go up a size yet again! I have worn an 18 for the past 4 years and I just refused to go higher than that. 20 is just too big for someone my height. I also got tired of hearing "You have such a pretty face". My husband of course tells me I'm beautiful all the time, but I think he may be just a little
Anyway, right after Thanksgiving (11/26/07) I decided I needed to do something about not only my weight but my health. I knew it couldn't be healthy to be that far over weight. So I started reducing my portion sizes and cutting out fatty foods. Two weeks later I started hitting the gym regularly (since we have a free membership anyway). Now I'm officialy two months into my journey and 30 pounds lighter! I lift 30 pounds of weight at the gym sometimes, and trust me 30 pounds is a lot. I keep telling myself that so that I don't get discouraged on the weeks when the scale doesn't move. I joined a website that helps me keep track of the foods I'm eating, my weight loss, and my goals. It also has support groups that are absolutely fabulous! Thankfully since I joined the website 1/2/08 I have seen a steady decrease on the scale. I even bought a new scale to be sure I was geting an accurate reading. I wonder sometimes if I'll keep the weight off once I reach my goal, and you know what? I'm POSITIVE I will. I already love to exercise, and I haven't really given up any foods I feel like I MUST have. The biggest things I cut out was beef and pork which I was never big on in the first place. I also gave up processed foods, but now that I've started, I prefer to make everything from scratch anyway. It tastes better b/c its seasoned to my taste. Everything I else, I allow myself in extreme moderation. I can not, absolutely will not regain this weight once I get it off. We are done having kids so this is the perfect time for me to get my body back the way it was meant to be....... thin and healthy!