Well three days afer my last post, and guess what? I love the skin I'm in!!! I've decided that like every other thing I hold dear to me, my views on my own body are going to differ slightly from time to time. Especially when I'm emotional already just from the joy of being a woman. I think the driving force behind the insecurity came from the fact that I'm going to see my husband for the first time in 42 pounds. Why I chose to measure that in pounds.....dunno? Anyway, looking at myself in the mirror and trying to imagine what he may see when looking at me, plus all the pictures I've taken lately caused me to panic a little. But now I realize that it wouldn't matter to him if I still weighed 240 pounds. He married me that way, and has only shown me love and support from day one of my weight loss journey. I was basically obsessing over nothing. I have been known to do that from time to time (shhhhh don't tell anyone). Now that my hormones have settled and are close to being back to normal (whatever that is), I am thinking more clearly. I have made improvements in more ways than one. Not only is my body smaller and lighter, but it is healthier. I have more stamina, and WAY more confidence. It feels great to stand up and look down and not see a belly that looks pregnant. It feels great to be able to tuck my shirts in if I want to. It feels great to shop for new clothes b/c everything I own is too big!!! Those are amazing feelings that I refuse to stop myself from enjoying. This journey is an amazing one, and I have decided to enjoy every step! I look and feel great! I have learned to see portions sizes which ultimately means portion control. My stomach gets turned off at the thought of eating fried greasy foods! I crave large homemade salads like I once craved McDonald's chicken nuggets! I know deep down inside me that this has been a lifestyle change. I would not still be on the journey after 19 weeks if it weren't.
I saw someone for the first time since Feb the other day and she kept raving about how much smaller my stomach was. A co-worker at work had said the same thing and I'd over-looked it, but when she said it, I realized something. Yes, I do still need to do a lot of work on my abs, but people can't see that when I'm all overed up. My tummy actually looks flat again! It's been years since it looked flat. This is something I should be celebrating not stressing out over! I need to love my body as it is. The more I love it, the harder I'll work to get it in shape! I am determined to meet my goal, but also to love my self at every stage of the journey!!!