Sunday, March 30, 2008


It's official, I've lost a total of 55lbs!!! I am now half way to my goal, and I made it here much faster than I expected! I did it in 18 weeks as opposed to the 24 I had planned for. My original goal was to lose the 110 pounds in 48 weeks. Even then I thought that was a HUGE stretch. That seems like such a short amount of time to lose such a large amount of weight, but low and behold, all the frquent small meals, and exercise is really paying off. Maybe I can reach goal in 44 weeks, a whole month ahead of schedule! Who knows? The sky really is the limit at this point. Nothing can stand in my way, but me, and I have no intentions of slowing me down. Wow, 55 pounds, what an amazing accomplishment!! I am so proud of myself for sticking with this. This is one of the most important things I've ever done for myself. I love the person I am right now and the person I am becoming. Someone that sees the value in herself enough to improve the things that need improving, while accepting/loving those things that will forever remain the same!
This me today on my way to a jewelry party! Not too bad if I say so myself. I can actually tuck my shirt in without my stomach hanging over my belt!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Finally got my second wind!

Well since seeing my I.D. photos side by side, and hitting the 50 pound mark I have felt a real sense of accomplishment. So much so I have really been slacking off. I knew I was losing b/c my clothing size has been steadily going down, but seeing the difference in my I.D. photos helped me to actually "see" the difference in my body. I have really lost 52 pounds. It's not a dream, I am not imagining the weight loss, it has actually happened. I have contour lines on my face again. I have a neck and only 1 chin! I even have collar bones....who knew!!! My wedding rings are too loose as opposed to too tight. My watch is actually a little too big. My shoes fit better, scratch that, they actually fit. My feet aren't too wide/fat for the cute shoes I've been holding onto for years. (I'm a big shoe person)

This is the type of thinking that has caused me to slow down. It was almost as if I had "arrived" in my own mind. I wanted to take some of the pressure off of myself and enjoy the new me. The result: I haven't lost anything so far this week and my weigh-in is in two days. Unless a pound miraculously comes off between now and then this will be the first week that I have not lost anything. That realization has really put things into perspective for me, and thus gave me my second wind! I am going back to my eating pattern that I used when I first started losing. Little to no fat, very high protein, no simple carbs, and low complex carbs. Hopefully this will shock my body back into losing mode. I have a very long way to go and no time for stagnation. My goal is to lose at least 18 pounds in exactly two months. I am visiting family for Memorial Day and I want to be down a total of 70 pounds by then. So, with a renewed vigor I am entering the second phase of this journey. 170 here I come!!!!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

50 Total Pounds Lost!

In exactly 16 weeks I have lost a total of 50 pounds!
I find that utterly amazing!!! That is such a HUGE accomplishment. I see a little difference when I look in the mirror, but I see the biggest difference in my photos. My face has shrank so much, I actually look like a different person! I look at how round it was just last summer and the difference is remarkable. There is a little voice in my head telling me that I am losing the weight too fast, so I am constantly examining my food choices and eating habits. I am very "aware" of the dangers that can come along with obsessing over weight loss. But I realized I am not obsessing. I am finally doing what I have needed to do for years, getting off of my lazy seat of do nothing and getting back into shape! There is no excuse for me at 5'2" to weigh 240lbs. That is way too much weight for a person my height! I got winded easily, my legs would hurt if I tried to go for a walk, my feet hurt from wearing heels at work (something which never bothered me when I was thinner), I was rapidly out growing everything I owned, and I was self-conscious when my husband wrapped his arms around me at night. All these things are reasons I NEED to lose weight. This was not a superficial ten pounds here, this was ONE HUNDRED AND TEN POUNDS!!! I think the voice that tells me I'm over doing it, or that I can eat chocolate if I want is the same voice that kept me obese! Don't get me wrong I know theoretically I can eat chocolate (as a matter of fact, I had a little yesterday), but I also know myself better than anyone else. And when I'm completely honest with myself I admit that I eat for comfort. Long day at work, let's go to dinner and eat way too much. Stressed out, let's go buy a Big Kat and a bag chips, and eat them back to back. Busy lifestyle, that's ok, just pick up some greasy fast food on your way to work. I would go to Subway to get dinner for the family, buy 4 cookies for myself and eat two on the way home so my husband would not see me eat 4 cookies at a time. (I can't believe I just admitted that) As a matter of fact, I've been "sneaking" and eating for as long as I can remember. I would buy something I knew was bad, and eat it when no one else could see me, not b/c of what I was eating, but b/c of how MUCH I was eating. I remember once about 8 years ago I bought two packs of those break and bake cookies. I think there were like 24 cookies in the pack. I made a batch of 12 and ate the entire batch. I just couldn't stop eating them. Then I realized my husband (now my ex-husband) was going to realize I'd eaten them all, so I quickly baked another batch before he came home from work, and actually ate almost half of those. When he came home, he was shocked I'd eaten almost half the batch. Then he realized I'd cooked a whole pack and looked at me mortified when he discovered how many I'd eaten. So I lied, and told him I burned the entire first batch. I just couldn't admit I hadn't eaten that much. And now that I am typing this I finally realize that I had a problem with binging!!! What an epiphany!!!! I always associated binging with what I saw on T.V. in E.D. movies. A woman hiding in the bathroom with enough junk food to feed 20 people, excitedly stuffing her face, and then purging to get rid of it all. And while that is definitely a binge, so is secretly over eating and then lying about it! Wow, I've been reading other people's blogs about the "why", but it's so different when you discover your own. I grew to 110 pounds overweight b/c I love to eat. I knew it was too much, which is why I did it in private, but that didn't stop me.

I wonder "how" I stopped? I guess it was just getting honest with myself. But I have prayed for self control for years, so maybe God granted my request. I am very proud of my food choices now, so I don't "sneak and eat" anymore. If I have a treat, its only a small one, so I eat it in plain sight. I don't even buy junk food. Since I started tracking my food on-line, and seeing just how many calories were in the foods I was eating, it has gotten soooooo much easier to make wise food choices. It's just not worth it. Nothing has ever tasted as good as loosing weight feels! This has been and still is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I feel confident in myself and proud of my progress! I have dreamed of loosing weight for so long that now that its here, I will never go back to the way I was! I will never again weigh 200 pounds or higher! I am 60 pounds from my goal weight, and I am more motivated and dedicated than ever to get there. I have learned the importance of portion control and moderation and both have literally saved my life. Today I am a new woman. I am preparing to enter the second half of this weight loss journey with my eyes on the prize! A few more months of losing and a lifetime of maintaining!!!

This comparison pic shows how much smaller my face has gotten. They are both I.D. card photos. The one of the left was taken September 06, and the one on the right is from March 08.

Friday, March 14, 2008

What am I?

One of the messge boards I belong to posed the question, "What are you?" Without even taking time to think I wrote the following:

"I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent, and independent woman. I am the wife and best friend of Lyndell, mother of Omari, Abriah, Adonis, and Elijah, and most importantly I am a person who is sure in my faith. I am an asset to those I work for/with, and I am the voice of those who seem to have lost theirs along the way. I am a lover of beauty and nature. I am a woman who knows what she wants in life and is not afraid to go and get it. I am confident in the person I have become yet determined to grow into the woman I know I was predestined to be. I am a faithful, fair, and loyal friend that goes out of her way to help other people. I am perfectly imperfect, striving for the unattainable goal of perfection."

When I finished I thought to myself, "Dang that was pretty good. I'm a half way decent writer." I realized I spend so much time thinking about my weight and the millions of things I would like to change about myself, but I seldom pat myself on the back. Well tonight is pat myself on the back night. I am a darn good person. I am an absolutely fabulous wife to my husband. I may not be the prefect wife for the next man, but I say with assurance that I am the one and only perfect wife for the love of my life. I am a remarkable mother that puts the wants and needs of her children before her own. I am a superb employee. I have ALWAYS left jobs with a stellar reputation and the possibility of returning should I so desire. And in case you can't tell, I lack no confidence! Why should I? Why should I allow the outward appearance make me feel like I am less valuable? I won't!!!! I am a valuable member of my small corner of the world. I may not touch as many people as a famous person will, but I make a positive impact on the ones I do touch, and that is more important to me than anything fortune or fame could ever bring. I love people. I love the beauty that God created when He formed man. I love the good and the bad, though the bad sometimes makes me wanna just grab people and shake some sense into them. I love it nonetheless. I love people because it's easy for me to see the potential for greatness in everyone. I believe we all came to this world with "gifts" that we can use to help make this world a better place. We just have to tap into them. What would happen if we all said thank you to the person that held the restaurant door open for us? What would happen if we all fed 1 homeless person a day? What would happen if we all did 1 act of random kindness everyday. Your act may be different from mine, and may impact the receiver of that act differently from mine, but in the end we'd both get the same result. A better world. Positive deeds, words, and actions breed the same. Which in turn breeds love, joy, and happiness.

What am I? I am a breeder of love, joy and, happiness. I am perfectly imperfect, striving for the unattainable goal of perfection!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Size 14!!!!

Well, my 16's are starting to get loose, so I decided to buy a pair of 14's just to see how close I was to a 14. I NEVER expected them to fit, and low and behold they did!!!! I have not been able to wear a size 14 in over 8 years! I think I am still officially a size 16, but it felt so good sliding into those 14's. I am going to wear them to work tomorrow. I knew I was finally ready to get into shape and I was determined to succeed, but never in a million years did I expect to have such awesome results! It's still a little hard for me to believe. I look in the mirror and see the work I still need to do. I don't notice how far I've already come until I look at pictures of myself. Stepping on the scale and looking at how far the number is from where it used to be doesn't hurt either. Wow.... 47 pounds!!! I just can't believe it! I only need to lose 8 more pounds to be half way to my goal. I have never been more motivated to get down to my ideal weight. I have 7 months to lose 63 pounds, and I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!!! I've made it this far and I don't plan to stop now!

P.S. I took a picture of myself in the size 14's. (gray slacks, black shirt) I actually have a waistline again!!!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

March is starting off just right!!!!!

My new job is keeping me busy and therefore helping me keep my mind off the fact that I'm missing my husband like crazy. My weight loss is remaining constant and steady. And to top things off I got a new puppy! Things are going pretty well right now. My closet is dwindling down to nothing. I have bought a few new pieces, but for the most part everything is too big. I'm not gonna buy a lot of things because I am going to lose more, so it would be a total waste of money to buy a lot at the size I am now. I got a size 14 skirt last week, and it's pretty tight, but it fits. I also got a pair of 14 jeans, and those are too small. I hope I can wear them by May. I think I am going home to visit my family then, and I wanna be at least down to a 14. Right now I have lost a total of 47 pounds! I can't believe I have lost that much. I am so close to the half way point I can taste it (55 lbs is half way to my ultimate goal)!!! I always thought that if I worked out I could still eat junk here and there and lose weight......not!!! 95% of weight loss is making healthy food choices. Something that has become second nature to me. I do exercise regularly, but I know the majority of the success is due to healthy eating habits. I do still crave sausage sometimes, but it is not difficult to resist since the last time I had sausage the grease made me sick to my stomach. Cutting out red meat has done wonders for my digestive track. I'm sure all the fruits and veggies don't hurt either. I also gave up sugary drinks and I don't miss those either. I was never a big soda person, but I did take a liking to Vault. At one point I was drinking a 20 oz a day, but since I have become serious about getting in shape, I have only drank water, coffee occasionally, and reduced sugar cran-grape juice on occasion. Mostly it's just plain water all day every day. I think my kidneys are definitely grateful, though they may have been a little shocked by the foreign substance at

I am aiming at losing all of the weight by November 1, 2008, but at this point, I am already down 47 pounds and it's only been a little over 3 months. At this rate, I can reach my goal by September or October at the latest which would be really nice. I had to take a photo for my ID card at work and I compared it to the previous one I took. The difference is HUGE!!!! I can't believe my face was ever as fat as it was, but it was! I'm so happy it's slimming down. My neck has even shrank. My collar bones are much more prominent. I have lost a total of 31 inches since the 5th of January! I look at my thighs sometimes and find it hard to believe they have gotten as small as they have. I still have a very long way to go, but I can see a huge difference!