Monday, June 9, 2008

Back from Vacation!

After two weeks in the States with my family, I am very proud to announce I did not gain weight!!! Go me, it's my birthday, go me it's my birthday!
A little background info: I come from a family of mostly overweight people. To my knowledge only one person is working on their weight right now. Everyone else pretty much eats whatever, so dieting around all that fattening food is not always easy. Fortunately for me though, I really have no desire to eat the way I once did. Portion control has finally become second nature, the thought of a greasy burger make me wanna gag, and most sugary foods are WAY too sweet. I went to one of my favorite restaurants (Smokey Bones) and ordered an appetizer as opposed to a entree and actually shared with my kids. I now know how to eat until satisfied, not stuffed! My body is definitely thanking me for treating it better. I can now sit for longer periods of time without feeling like my buns are going to fall off. I can cross my legs without my knees screaming in pain. I can walk for hours without my feet yelling in agony. I can go up and down stairs without feeling like I need an oxygen tank. The list goes on and on. Most recently I noticed that my monthly friend has decided to start showing up on time again (maybe TMI). For nearly a year it was complete guess work, and it never occured to me it was b/c of my weight. It's amazig how much stress being overweight causes for your body. It literally affects every area. Also, my chronic heartburn is gone! It would get so bad at times that I'd sit awake rocking in the middle of the bed at night b/c nothing would soothe it. I'd wake my poor husband numerous times throughout the night.
On a purely physical note, it felt great not to shop in the plus size section anymore! At first I felt like a fish out of water b/c I couldn't shop in any of my favorite stores anymore. I kept thinking to myself, "Where do little people shop"? I even had to take a few 12's back to the store b/c they were too big! While wearing a size 10 outfit I bought, I kept saying to myself, "I can't freaking believe I'm wearing a 10 right now! A 10! I'm wearing a 10!" I felt like I could have literally lept over a mountain that day. That feeling is almost like a drug. Though I've never tried drugs, the feeling is so addictive, it must be similar to what addicts experience.
In addition to that feeling there is also the little voice in my head that continues to point out all of my imperfections. The stretchmarks I'll never be able to get rid of. The thighs that still need so much work. I think the remaining 40 pounds is almost completely in my lower half. There are days when I still look in the mirror and get grossed out. I still look at myself and see a fat girl! I find myself still referring to myself as a "big girl". Though the scale and my clothing both say otherwise, my mind still plays tricks on me. I know that if I am not careful that is going to be a big issue for me. I've had people to tell me I don't need to lose another 40, that 40 may be too much. I find it frustrating that when you are obese, people look at you and think/say, "She needs to lose weight", but then when you start losing, they wanna put a limit on the amount you can lose. What gives them the right?!?!?... ok, sorry, a little moment there. I had a few people upset me with their comments in case you can't tell. One person actually had the nerve to say, "Don't lose 40 more, if you just lose 15 more you'll look great!" How dare you, I look great now. How dare you tell me how much weight I do or don't need to lose! Where did you go to medical school? Ok, another moment, but I'm done with that now!
I am more determined than ever to reach my goal. All of the vacationing is behind me and I can finally focus on losing the rest of this weight before my husband returns home for good! Only 4 months left and I want his eyes to pop out of his head when he sees me! Wish me luck!!!

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