Saturday, April 19, 2008

He's Almost Here!!!

My husband is on his way home!!! I'm so excited. He hasn't seen me in 49 pounds!!! I wanted to get down to 175 by the time he got here, but I'm still a pound heavier than my goal which is okay! You can't see a 1 pound difference, but the 49 gone is a huge difference! Hopefully he'll arrive tomorrow so I probably won't post for the next couple of weeks while he's here, but I wanted to keep up with my weekly accountability. Three more pounds gone forever! I am really proud of myself for finally doing this. I have wanted this for so long. I only have 46 pounds to lose to meet my goal. This is utterly amazing to me. I am flying on cloud 9 right now!!!

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Since moving to Europe last fall I have been patiently waiting to travel to Czech to go shopping, and today I finally made it. It was soooooo worth the wait. I found some really neat things for my yard/garden, a sword set (stand included) for my husband, and 2 purses for myself all for less than $90. Of course I didn't pay in dollars, but that was the total after the exchange rate. I am so thrilled with the items I got! I can't wait to go back and get more things for my yard/garden. I learned today that gardening is so relaxing for me. I always wanted to get into it, but never seemed to have the time. Living in Europe has really helped me find my green thumb as there is so much beauty everywhere. Driving through the small towns and villages and seeing the beautiful flowers blooming is absolutely mesmerizing. It really makes me want to contribute to the beauty. I am thankful to have the opportunity to experience this culture/way of life. America is still the best nation in the world, and I can't wait to return, but I am enjoying every moment of this experience!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Root Canal

Well today I had the distinct pleasure of phase one of a root canal. Let me just say this is a pleasure I can go the rest of my life without ever enjoying again. Once again I had to go the entire day on liquids and soft solids, something which my stomach was not happy about. Like a crazy person, I actually went to work after the dental appointment and only left an hour and a half early. I came home and made a large batch of oatmeal, cooked it a little longer than normal so I wouldn't have to chew much, and then fell asleep on the couch for two and a half hours. I woke up two hours ago, and now I'm heading to bed for the evening. Normally I get up at 5:30 to go to the gym, but tomorrow I plan to sleep in since I don't have to be at work until 9:00. I think my body is definitely trying to tell me it needs rest and for once I'm listening.

~On the up side I was two pounds lighter when I stepped on the scale this morning! Thats a total loss of 60 pounds!!!

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Emotional Yo-Yo.... gotta love being a woman

Well three days afer my last post, and guess what? I love the skin I'm in!!! I've decided that like every other thing I hold dear to me, my views on my own body are going to differ slightly from time to time. Especially when I'm emotional already just from the joy of being a woman. I think the driving force behind the insecurity came from the fact that I'm going to see my husband for the first time in 42 pounds. Why I chose to measure that in pounds.....dunno? Anyway, looking at myself in the mirror and trying to imagine what he may see when looking at me, plus all the pictures I've taken lately caused me to panic a little. But now I realize that it wouldn't matter to him if I still weighed 240 pounds. He married me that way, and has only shown me love and support from day one of my weight loss journey. I was basically obsessing over nothing. I have been known to do that from time to time (shhhhh don't tell anyone). Now that my hormones have settled and are close to being back to normal (whatever that is), I am thinking more clearly. I have made improvements in more ways than one. Not only is my body smaller and lighter, but it is healthier. I have more stamina, and WAY more confidence. It feels great to stand up and look down and not see a belly that looks pregnant. It feels great to be able to tuck my shirts in if I want to. It feels great to shop for new clothes b/c everything I own is too big!!! Those are amazing feelings that I refuse to stop myself from enjoying. This journey is an amazing one, and I have decided to enjoy every step! I look and feel great! I have learned to see portions sizes which ultimately means portion control. My stomach gets turned off at the thought of eating fried greasy foods! I crave large homemade salads like I once craved McDonald's chicken nuggets! I know deep down inside me that this has been a lifestyle change. I would not still be on the journey after 19 weeks if it weren't.

I saw someone for the first time since Feb the other day and she kept raving about how much smaller my stomach was. A co-worker at work had said the same thing and I'd over-looked it, but when she said it, I realized something. Yes, I do still need to do a lot of work on my abs, but people can't see that when I'm all overed up. My tummy actually looks flat again! It's been years since it looked flat. This is something I should be celebrating not stressing out over! I need to love my body as it is. The more I love it, the harder I'll work to get it in shape! I am determined to meet my goal, but also to love my self at every stage of the journey!!!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Adjusting to the new me!

For some reason I never thought that it would be difficult for me to adjust to my "new" appearance. However, I am shocked when I see myself in photos, or if I'm walking by a mirror/window and catch a full body view. Being able to actually see my collar bones has been another HUGE thing for me. I know how much the number on the scale has gone down, but actually seeing myself thinner is so difficult. I'm so accustomed to seeing the GIGANTIC thighs and bulging stomach that it almost doesn't look like me anymore. It took me years to accept the fact that I was as large as I was, and now that I'm going back down, I don't know how to deal with that either. It's like a different person is looking back at me. Don't get me wrong I never want to see those 57 pounds again, but I haven't seen this woman in so long, she's like a stranger to me. I honestly can't remember the last time I was this size. I've been trying to remember my weight at different stages of my life, but the truth is, I never paid this much attention to it b/c in my mind I was slim and trim. Even when I broke the 200 mark I still felt attractive so I don't have any significant memories of the way I looked or felt. It wasn't until I was squeezing into a size 18 trying desparately not to go up to a 20 that I realized I needed to make a change. At that moment I began to see myself as I really was.....FAT! I was fat, round, out of shape, and uncomfortable in my own skin. Though that realization only took place a few months ago, I programmed myself as fat, and now that I'm not AS fat, I can't wrap my mind around that concept. I feel like I look weird when I see myself in mirrors. Like it's a trick mirror and I'm really fatter than my reflection looks. I spent 5 minutes staring at myself with my breakfast plate in my hand this morning because I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my stomach was almost completely flat. I kept pushing it trying to make sure I wasn't subconsciously holding it in. Has anyone else gone through this? SURELY I can't be the only one. How did you get past it?

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Another crazy week

Well this week has been another hectic week for me schedule wise, so I have still not been able to hit the gym like I need to. On the bright side my walk away the pounds dvd arrived today so I'll be able to work out at home when "life" prevents me from getting to the gym. The most important lesson I've learned so far during my weight loss journey is that the only way to fail is to give up. So what if I can't get to the gym 5 or 6 times a week.. What matters is that I'm staying active and feeding my body for fuel, not taste. I want my fuel to taste good, but the nutritional value is what's most important at this point. I am eating to become a "healthier JayLady".