Who will carry me when I die? and Am I setting a good example for my children?

With the deaths of two mega stars this week, my own death has been on my mind. Thank God that the years of treating my body like a garbage bin did not lead to any serious health issues, but I now want more than that. When I die, I do not want people to worry about who will carry my casket because of how heavy I am. It's not something we think about often, but it's a reality. If we are not cremated, someone has to carry that casket in and out of the church and even if it's six of the strongest men we know, it can still be difficult for them if the deceased person is obese. I don't want to be a burden to my family in life or death.

Now to a lighter subject, I had to register my oldest son for football this week. The registrar needed a current weight for him. I was shocked to find that in the last year my 12 year old son has lost 7 pounds. I have noticed that his body appears much leaner, but I attributed it to puberty (more testosterone= more muscle). I had no idea that the change in his eating habits would also equal weight loss. He is by no means under weight, but it still bothered me a little. I do not want to obsess over what I eat, but I find myself doing so on a regular basis. Apparently so much that it has rubbed off on my children. My 12 year old son (Omari) and my 9 year old daughter(Abriah) have began reading nutrition labels. If something is loaded with fat and calories, they won't eat it! I know it's a good thing for them to be conscious of what they are eating, but I don't want them to develop a complex either. I especially worry about my daughter because she only has a few years before puberty hits and Lord knows her body will go through changes then. Since noticing my sons weight loss I have become less verbal about nutrition labels and calories. I will still only bring the good foods into the house, but hopefully they will eat them more because they enjoy them and less because the label says its good for them (speaking of foods we enjoy, the berries have been fantastic this week; blueberries, raspberries & blackberries). They have plenty of years to forfeit taste for nutrition.

I'm still here and still determined!

I have decided to take this thing one day at a time. I'm not going to get all emotional over it anymore. All I can do is remain determined and stick to my plan. The weight will come off if I consume less calories than I burn. The formula is very simple! I did make a poor choice yesterday and ate three cookies. I'm sure they were loaded with calories, but I did share the rest of the package with my family so it wasn't too bad. I resisted french fries and kiwi lemonade at lunch yesterday and I also did something I NEVER do. I declined mayo on a sandwich and let me tell ya, for the person that LOVES mayo, that was a HUGE deal. I snacked on mandarin oranges and chocolate altoids (only 15 calories in 2. I'm sure I had about 10 throughout the day)as opposed to the garbage they sell in vending machines. Today I plan to take it one step further and I'm leaving the altoids at home. I'm taking no cash with me so I won't be able to purchase any vending machine garbage. I'm taking a 32 oz bottle of water so that should help keep me feeling full and if the snack cravings get too bad, I'll munch some sugar free gum. I have a plan of attack. Let's pray I can stick to it!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race!

So here I am day 2 of my renewed commitment to a healthier JayLady and I must admit I'm rather proud of my sticktoitiveness (totally not a word, but you get the point). I made some good food choices today and I pushed myself to get my weight training in, walk two miles, and work on some toning here at home. My husband and children have joined in and we all worked on the toning and some light calisthenics together. It was beautiful to work on my body with my entire family. I know my husband and I are teaching our children valuable lessons that will benefit them for years to come. With that thought in mind I have decided to simply stick to a life style of smart food choices and efficient workouts. If I focus more on making a lifestyle change and less on losing weight I know I will get the results I desire. I must be consistent. This is not a sprint. This is a marathon that will last the rest of my life. If I want to be around for my family I must live for the future. No more focusing on today's struggles with my weight and appearance. I am not focusing on finishing this marathon with as few setbacks as possible!

Still NOT Making Progress.... UGH!!!!

What frustrates me the most is I know what I need to do to lose weight. For some reason however, I am not doing it. My workouts are sporatic at best and I am making poor food choices daily! I don't know where the will power and determination went. One year I am on the ball and losing weight, the next I am trying to get rid of the 20 pounds I have regained, plus 35 more. I really don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything I can think of to recapture my will power, but nothing seems to be working. I guess I'll just keep trying to force myself to the gym as often as possible and do my best to resist poor food choices. Maybe I need to just take it one meal and one workout at a time. I may be pushing myself to hard to quickly. I haven't given up hope, but it sure is slipping away. Any advice anyone can offer will be greatly appreciated!

In the words of Oprah.... How did I let this happen again?

Looking back over this blog has me really ashamed of myself. I worked so ridiculously hard for 8 months, only to slack off when life got hectic. I slowly stopped going to the gym and slowly started eating junk again. I haven't forgotten all that I learned, so I'm up only 20 lbs as opposed to the entire 80. I've gone from a comfortable size 10 to a very exact fitting 12. My tummy that was so close to being completely flat is now pudgy. I still avoid all beef and pork, but my portions have slowly gotten larger. I still monitor my calorie intake though, and I'm working on getting back into a normal gym routine. I now have to lose 55 pounds to reach my goal! I can't believe I am saying those words once again. At my lowest, I was only 29 pounds from goal. Weight gain stinks!!!! Maintenance is sooooooo much harder than losing was, and to top it all off, the motivation and will power just aren't what they used to be. I have got to find some way to get back on track. I want so desperately to be a size 8!

Well, It's time to get back to business!!!

Wow, life came at me so fast, I got completely off track with my dieting and exercising. I didn't go completely crazy on the food front, but I could have definitely made some smarter choices. Since my last post, I've traveled to the States and back, I've moved into a larger home, and I'm currently suffering through I pretty bad case of Shingles. Everything that has happened made me stop and question whether or not I am in a place where I can continue to focus on weight loss. For a while I thought I was ready to head into maintenance, but when this case of Shingles popped up, I realized, I want to lose a little more. I am focusing on my lower body b/c thats where most of the fat remains. The hard part is I lose from my upper body first. I'm still a little challenged since I can't work out, but I know I'll be bale to again soon. Right now though since I can't leave the house and really can't exercise at all (my Shingles are on my face and causing monsterous headaches) I am watching what I put into my mouth. I don't want to consume empty calories that I can't "work" off. I'm not going to stress over the remaining few pounds, but I am going to go back to basics and begin eating like I did when I started this journey back in November. Mostly protein and veggies. No empty calories (so all water, all day) and no simple carbs. The biggest thing will be the cream in my coffee. I think I'm going to use skim milk and equal. It'll take some time for me to get use to, but it'll be worth it when I see the look on my husband's face. I want him to shine with pride when he sees me. According to the Dr's scale I've gained about 2 lbs so I'll have to work those 2 off and get these remaining 20-30 off. I don't have much time left though, so I probably won't get it all off before hubby comes home, but I'll do the best I can!

When to say when

As I get closer to my "goal", I am beginning to absolutely love the way I look. As of today I still have 30lbs till I reach that magic number, but I honestly don't know if I'll go that low. When I look in the mirror, I still see small areas that need to be slimmed a little and toned, but I don't know if I WANT to lose another 30lbs. I definitely want to be healthy, but not skinny! The collar bones I once loved being able to see now look funny to me. I don't want to have bones sticking out everywhere. In my very humble opinion being super skinny is not sexy (plus my hubby doesn't like it). I think I have decided to work on improving my overall health and not focus so much on the weight loss. I will still weigh in weekly, but my main focus will be pushing my body to it's physical limits. I really want to get into shape so that I can run at least 3 miles without stopping and feeling like I am going to pass out.

I love writing this blog. Just actually typing the words have helped me to make up my mind. I am going to focus on being healthy and if I lose more great, if I don't, I'll survive!